It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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