You can't motorboat a personality
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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