I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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