So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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