Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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