I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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