I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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