tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You made out with two different species that night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize