Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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