Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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