in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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