dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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