Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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