ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize