I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it was like eating out sand paper
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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