Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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