I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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