she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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