Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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