he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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