Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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