After last night, I could never be a politician.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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