He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize