I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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