wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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