my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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