So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize