I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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