Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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