well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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