Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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