You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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