Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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