She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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