I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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