Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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