He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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