....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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