hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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