Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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