Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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