its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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