He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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