So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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