how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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