She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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