morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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