i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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