I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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