We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize